My Gypsy Adventure

2010 Lesson #1: If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, then it is a rabbit!

2010-12-02T20:33:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe that there are 30 days remaining in 2010. Time has gone by so quickly. I remember on January 2 I was sitting in my parent's home wrestling with my dissertation...wondering if I was going to ever finish that darn paper. And now December 2, I am sitting in my living room thanking God that that darn paper is behind me, but I am wrestling with another document! It just proves that pain does not last always, but some things remain the same.

Reminiscing the events that occur this year made me think of several key lessons that I have learned and definitely continue to learn as I grow and mature as a person, as a professional, as a child of God. I thought that I should commit at least 15 minutes each day to blog for the next 30 days about major lessons I learned in 2010. Some of these lessons may be controversial, some may be life changing. Either way, I am becoming a little more comfortable with not needing to be perfect in everything, but to appreciate where I am in the present moment.

Lesson #1: If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, then it is a rabbit!

Say what! This statement is contrary to what I heard as a kid. Most people would say, "if it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, then it is a duck." I am not totally abandoning this concept. For example, it a person is crass, rude, and inconsiderate, then we should come to the conclusion that a person is crass, rude, and inconsiderate. However, there are times that people show you what they want you to see. I think Paul Laurence Dunbar says it best:
"We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

I have seen this practice more in my professional circles. I realize that many people do not want to hear my struggles and insecurities, even if I am being honest. And yes, many people prefer more extraverted personalities than introverted ones. Over the years, I have learned to "appear" more extraverted. In fact, I would be a millionaire for the number of times someone tells me that I have a gift of connecting with people and making people feel comfortable. I always laugh when someone makes this observation and I tell them that I am truly intraverted. In reacting to my statement, the person laughs and dismisses my honesty. Perhaps because the evidence that is seen does not matches what I am telling the person. Well...I have learned that people respond more to an outgoing person as opposed to one who is inward and quiet. Especially in a profession that requires me to communicate and interact with different people, I was not getting very far being intraverted. So, I learned to be more extraverted in interacting with people. There is the "mask", at least a temporary mask, that people see. The duck. Deep down, I appreciate the time that I have to myself so I can recharge my soul, refocus my thoughts, and renew my sprit. The rabbit. In all honesty, the "mask" is just an outward expression on the compassion that I have for people and my desire to help others. Yes, there are many challenges that accompany this passion...some of these challenges have led to many nights where I have shedded a tears in which the "mask", the rabbit, appears. Sensitivity, tenderness, and yes introversion. But, I but the "mask" back on the next day in hopes of being a bright spot in someone's world.

The good news is that I am learning to appreciate the special people in my life who like the rabbit in me. These are the people that I can take the mask off and be me. Therefore, I need not waste my time become anxious about people who not desire to get to know me. I can celebrate in the people that God places in my life so my heart is perserved and I have even more strength to face the challenges that I face in the world. But this strength that I manifest to the word is courage, hope, and faith instead of fear, despair, and sorrow. Yes...not a duck...but a rabbit!

Seasons Change

2010-09-18T12:09:00.003-04:00

Three months ago, I celebrated my new status as a PhD. Now, I am enduring the challenges that comes with becoming a professional with this new status in an environment where tough skin is a requirement. Failure is inevitable. I experienced the satisfaction a person would feel when reaching the top of a mountain peak after a hard, long climb in one season. Now, I am experiencing the angst that comes when realizing that one did not see the mountain peak hiding behind the first one. The climb up the second peak is just as tough. It's curvier, have ice and snow along the path, and even some wild animals that look dangerous. Some of the tools used to get the top of the first peak are needed to conquer the second peak, but a new set is needed. Without a pit stop or resting lounge in sight, where is a climber suppose to pick up these tools?

A climb up a mountain peak in the summertime is very different from a climb up a mountain peak in autumn, and especially more treacherous in the wintertime. Although there are elements to contend with in each season, some of these elements may be preferred over others. Personally, I prefer cold weather instead of hot, humid weather. I prefer to see the wild animals so I can avoid them instead of the annoying mosquitos that buzz around my head and bite me without warning.

The good news is that I am familiar and do not mind the weather. Without the tools necessary to make the second climb and unable to see those pesky critters, I look at that second peak wonder how the heck I am going to make the climb without falling off the cliff. I can look behind me, smile, and see that I successfully conquered one peak. So, I know I can do it. The question is how many more peaks do I have to climb before climbing becomes second nature.

There are miracles all around us...

2010-08-10T22:20:00.004-04:00

I can close my eyes and see all the events that are not a result of coincidence or luck. I am thinking of my aunt who survived a near fatal accident a month ago and was singing and praising God at our recent family reunion. Another miracle -- the birth of my niece - who against all odds survived a high risk surgery and now is being cradled in the arms of her mother. Or admiring the strength and fortitude of my dear cousins who are grieving the loss of their father and mother. In spite of these events, they are real testimonies of God's hand and presence in the mist of tragedy. John's childhood friend and college roommate also remains on my mind. Although he is unable to physically walk, he moves in other ways. The burns and bodily damage that he experienced was enough to kill any average person, but his faith in God is the "fuel" that ignites his presence. It is also inspiring to witness the faith and love of his wife and child as they remain strong and steadfast during challenging times. There are miracles all around us...there are miracles all around me.

If I am not careful, it is so easy to take God's presence and the miraculous wonders He orchestrates every day for granted. I just thank God for mainfesting Himself to me and others on a daily basis.

And she received a paycheck!

2010-08-05T22:24:00.002-04:00

Praise the Lord! Last Saturday, I received my first paycheck! You may ask what I did with my earnings?! Church tithe and offerings, rent, credit card bills, moving expenses debt, car loan payment, and the first of ten loan payments to my parents for car repairs. The good news...my car is officially mine! It's nice to own something!

It has been one month since I began my job at Indiana University. I am so happy to be gainfully employed. The campus is beautiful even in the mist of hot and humid weather. I also enjoy the flexibility of my postdoc assignment. I am able to create my own research agenda. One challenge of academia is it is very lonely. It will be interesting to see how I navigate through this world and be able to produce products to place on my curriculum vitae. I am struggling with juggling so many writing projects, but I pray that God will help me with prioritization and time management. If someone asked me if I plan to stay in academia, I would say "no" as of today. As I progress through my postdoc, I may change my mind. I saw see how I feel about academia next month.

But right now, I will just bask in the joy and excitement of receiving a paycheck!

Goodwill Hunting

2010-06-23T21:02:00.001-04:00

I spent the last several days in Greenville, SC with Mom and Pops. It's amazing how the little things in life make me smile... laying in the bed and daydreaming as I stare at the ceiling (I did not realize how dirty ceilings can be); spending hours on the internet browsing Yahoo! so I can stay current on entertainment news (Way to play that guitar, Sandra Bullock. You rock!); and sneaking in extra minutes to run around the track or neighborhood. Regardless of what I do, I truly enjoy my freedom. I really believe that PhD means, praise Him daily. Thank you, God, because that is what I have been doing since May 19th!

Coming home is always nice. This time, I really paid attention and observed Mom’s routine. One hobby that Mom has made part of her routine is daily visits to the Goodwill Store. I am amazed at Mom's excitement as she is one of the serious shoppers (a.k.a. vultures) lined up in the early morning hours ready to find the latest item to add to her humble abode. Every time I come home, it is amazing how Mom has redecorated her house with all the cool stuff that she gets from Goodwill. I mean it is really nice! You would think that she shops at Pier One or Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I tell you the deals are great at Goodwill. I am impressed. I really feel that Mom should buy stock in Goodwill. She would clean up!

Speaking of cleaning up, one reason I came home was to collect household items that I left with Mom and Dad over 4 years before departing for Alaska. I know...so sad. I also realized that I had to make room for Mom as she continues to feed her Goodwill Store addiction.
As I was going through my stuff, I thought of having a garage sale. However, Mom recommended that I boxed the items that I did not want and take them to Goodwill. At first, I hesitated. The Lord knows that I need some extra cash to pay the bills until that first paycheck hits my checking account. I was pressed for time and I was not in the mood to organize a garage sale. Mom then mentioned two magical words that made me an instant fan of Goodwill...TAX WRITE-OFF!

So, off I went. I gathered stuffed animals, clothes, kitchen supplies, and dining/living room knick knacks. Before I knew it, I have several boxes labeled and was ready to drive to Goodwill. It was also a nice thought that a child, and even an adult, would find usefulness from things that I really did not need anymore. Most importantly, I was cleansing myself of unnecessary clutter and will be credited by Uncle Sam and the Lord. The Lord? Well...I can't take it with me when I leave this Earth. So, I felt God smiling at me because tax write-off or not, it was still difficult to part ways with some of my most precious items. And I was able to do it! So, yay!, for me!

Well...where does the goodwill hunting come in? So, one thing that I discovered about donating to Goodwill is that it can be quite addicting. There is a slight twist for me in making Goodwill shopping a hobby...something that I like to call Goodwill hunting. While Mom likes to visit the store daily and buy items (no doubt...great bargains), I discovered my new hobby…trying to find ways of giving away items in an effort to de-clutter. I had so much fun giving away my stuff that I was ready to move to the advance stages of giving things away other people’s belongings. I really do think it was an act of goodwill in the fact that Mom and Dad had items tucked away in the garage for years. So, as Pops and I were loading up my U-HAUL trailer with things that did not make it to Goodwill, we began to reorganize the garage and found things from 1969 that definitely could be on the shelf of a Goodwill Store.

Dad would give me a box and I created a catalog of items to send to Goodwill. Mom reluctantly stood in the garage watching us pile items to send to Goodwill. My Dad would ask, "Priscilla, I have these tennis shoes without shoestrings that I do not wear. I would quickly chime in, "Give it to Goodwill." "Hey," Dad said, “how about this battery charger.” "Goodwill, Dad." "I got this ruler." "Goodwill Store, pack it!" The words, Goodwill, were rolling off my mouth like butter that I think Mom needed to take another dose of her blood pressure pills as she continued to look at us thinking that we lost our minds. Particularly since I had the “balls” to take the lead in giving away her stuff :-) There were times in the three hours that we were in the garage that it got intense. "John, you better stop playing and put that back!" Mom sounded like a cat that just finishing battling for the last piece of catnip! All and all, it was a good day to goodwill hunt. Even Mom could not help, but smile as she began to see some of the walls in the garage that had been hiding for years!

Goodwill hunting...I think I will continue to do it since I am right around the corner from a Goodwill store in Bloomy Bloom. It's not only good for tax purposes, but it is good for the soul (and my closets!).

P.S. And yes, John and Curtis, we gave away some of your old clothes, too. Dad and I did, however, keep your Donatos shirt (John) and basketball jerseys (John and Curtis).

What's it worth...?

2010-01-30T16:55:00.003-05:00

Jessica, my sister in law, posted an idea that may inspire me to approach the New Year in an unique way," choose one little word to inspire [you] through out the year." Instead of feeling pressure or unsuccessful in achieving resolutions (which I have not done since I was 17), this approach may be just what I need to jumpstart my efforts in improving my perspective of physical, spiritual, professional, and social life. So...it's WORTH a try!

Yes...my 'one little word' is worth. Why did I select the word...because it was the first word that popped up in my head. Or perhaps in the past couple of weeks, my thoughts have centered around my motivation (material, monetary, or other reasons) in how I live my life.

Education, for obvious reasons to my family and friends who know me well, is of extreme worth and ranks high on my list. I credit my mom and dad for the achievements that I made in education because it was something that was of high value to them. Coming from humble beginnings, my parents always believed that education ensures a better life...personally and financially. To this day, this is still their belief. I agree with them to an extent. Perhaps my view is more complex. Personally, I think that there are two types of education....education in school and education outside of school. By going to college, graduate school, traveling and living in different parts of the U.S., and being exposed to different people has challenged my perspectives about life. Financially, I have discovered that education costs A LOT of money and I can only hope, through delayed gratification, to eventually reap the benefits. Being in a helping profession has a different worth that most of the time is not seen or experienced financially. I can only hope that my perspective of the financial worth of education will change over time.

Getting a PhD (before I had any knowledge of the pain associated in getting a doctoral degree) has multiple points of worth. I wanted to better position myself to help people more freely, make a larger contribution to society by teaching and doing research, and interact with different professionals in ways that my Masters did not allow (people respond differently when you have Dr. before your first name). I can only hope that the worth that I placed in getting the PhD meets or far exceeds my expectations. If these expectations are not met, how will I then assess the worth of PhD? Was it worth it...?

Well...one thing is apparent. I place a lot of worth on what I get out of going through a situation or process, which places me in the majority. I am sure the majority of the population lots at worth in that manner. But let me consider joining the minority that looks at worth from the perspective of learning something new (good or painful) as they go through the journey. I have exposed myself to new people, places, perspectives while learning to accept things about myself that I can better, and things that need to remain the same whether people like it or not.

I look foward to further exploring my motivations through this 'one little word' journey. Won't you travel with me...?

Keep running...

2010-01-11T00:18:00.003-05:00

A year ago, I wish that I could make my own schedule...no more getting up at the crack of dawn to make it to work by 7:30 a.m. I detested working at a desk as I stared at the clock move slower and slower and slower until it struck 4:30. And the sad thing about it...I had to wake up and do it all over again the next day. It was a really bad remake of 'Groundhog Day!'

I also remember a year ago wishing for more money. I know that I am about 5 years from making six digits, but I was eager to be paid closer to what I am worth. Ambitious, hard-working, passionate, creative, team player, who can write grants and design cool public health programs...BS, MPH, PhD-c, CHES PB. See...the letters should make me appear very important. I drept about making my own schedule and getting paid more cheddar!

Well...one out of two isn't bad. Be careful what you ask for. For almost one year, I have been blessed to make my own schedule. I can stay up as late as I want (heck, I did that when I had to wake up early--nightowl!), work mornings and take most of the evening off, or work evenings and take most of the morning off. The world was my oyster.

Maybe...it has not been the ideal situation. So my job became completing this doctorate. I have been labor for almost 12 months and I am able to EXPLODE! Lord, may I have this baby called a PhD?! Isn't it time for it to be released from my physical, intectual, psycho-social, emotional, mental, and spiritual being so I can reclaim my life once again and blog about new things!? I keep hearing that I am almost there, but this is the longest marathon I have ever run in my life. In fact, the marathon that I ran in last October was easier than completing my dissertation.

I will keep my eyes open just a little while longer, Lord. I will keep running (albeit at a steady pace) until Ireceive my prize...the letters (PhD), but of course, I am looking more forward to the purpose that you have in store for me at the finish line. Funny, I don't think that the race will end upon completing this degree. Heaven is a long way; it's just a means to an end....

What a way to start the New Year! It has to get better. In fact, I am counting on it to get better.

Cream and Crimson Rock Star Mania

2009-12-22T00:02:00.003-05:00

"Party like a rock, Party like a rock star" (repeat 3-4 more times)
Totally dude!
~Da Shop Boyz

I believe that a person should at least feel like a rock star once during their lifetime. I always thought that my moment would accompany a seven figure salary. Nevertheless, it was an awesome yet fleeting 60 days. I was blessed with job offers for postdoctoral fellowships at three universities. It was nice to feel that my various experiences working in the bayou, cereal city, DC, and the mighty frontier of Alaska paid off. Although people gave me a hard time about moving a lot, I always have known that I was not meant to stay in one job forever. Particularly if I was not satisfied or did not see opportunities for professional growth.

So there was me in the corner, there was me in the spotlight, losing my mind trying to pick the best place for me. One university pulled out of the best tricks to convince me to join their team. Salary, designing my own research projects, teaching, experience writing book chapters... You know, what?! It worked. So, cream and crimson, ready or not, here I come!

The life lessons of a rock star:
1.) Don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone.
2.) Everyone should at least live in an exotic place once in their life(like Alexandria, LA or better yet...Alaska)
3.) Going the opposite direction of status quo can work to your advantage.
4.) Always travel light...the heavier the load, the more likely you are to let dust turn into mud. Makes it harder to move....
5.) Consider being a generalist...that way you are on the road to becoming a renaissance man/woman. People who are multi-talented are becoming harder to find. Someone may consider paying closer to what you are worth.

So, I am returning "home." To my ol' stompin' grounds. I can only pray that I made the right decision and that I will have nothing but good things in store for my new career as an academic. A cream and crimson academic. In honor of those who party like rock stars if not all their lives, most of it...JLB, Jr., this is for you:

"Indiana, Our Indiana,
Indiana, we're all for you!
We will fight for the cream and crimson,
For the glory of old IU
Never daunted, we cannot falter
In the battle, we're tried and true
Indiana, Our Indiana,
Indiana, we're all for you!"
~Russell P. Harker

Sealegs and delayed gratification

2009-10-24T13:03:00.004-04:00

It's been over four months since I my last blog. Completing a dissertation prevented me from writing since I am focusing all my attention on finishing the final product.

Endurance is the life theme that has permeated through my personal and academic lives for the past four months. I am continually enduring this hazing process that some folks call a doctorate program and at the same time prepared for my second marathon. I would say that completing the marathon was easier to complete than the dissertation. I cannot believe I have come to this conclusion. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I completed the marathon last Sunday and still running the marathon in a metaphoric sense in finishing my dissertation.

One thing that I hate about marathon training is the pain associated 72 hours post-race. When I first crossed the finish line (I will blog about the pain associated with running 26.2 miles at another time), all I could do was sigh with relief. I headed straight to the snack table to later be disappointed by the products within the goody bags (1 banana and 1 snack bar). I rummaged through the other goody bags and took whatever contents I found to fill my empty belly. Then, the fun part, trying to remember how to walk. I slowly hobbled to the massage tent and waited in line for a 10-minute post marathon massage. Ummm...felt good for the 10 minutes...oopsy...got to walk out the tent. So I had to learn the walking all over again.

Travelling back to Battle Creek (BC) was not a walk in the park. Sitting in a car for 2 hours is not fun at all. Getting up the stairs in a three-story house was not something to laugh about either. Would you believe as a means to postpone the pain and agony to go up the stairs, I created all kinds of distractions such as going to Chili's (I got hungry again!), filling the car with gas, and driving around as if I was seeing BC for the first time. Of course, I found anything to do that required limited walking. I finally mustered some courage to drive back to the house to begin the climb to the attic. Ouchy...ouchy!

Preparing for bed and going to sleep for the night did not improve matters. A shower only alleivated the pain for 5 seconds before the achy muscles, inflammation in the knees, and lactic acid reminded me of their presence. Of course, preparing for bed required more trips up and down the stairs...ouchy....ouchy! Then going to sleep. I understand the agony that older people suffer. I felt that my marathon pains were simulations of arthrisitis, buristis, back pain, etc...I remembered getting hungry within 2 hours of my REM 1 (catnap phase) sleep. So, I travelled down three flights of stairs to eat something, but only found 1/2 cup of chocolate soy milk and a piece of bread (I think!). Travelling back up the stairs I hope made me tired enough to fall in a deep sleep. I don't remember much (the pain made me unconscious), but I remembered waking up exhausted and my legs were bent liked two twin peaks. I guess it was too much pain to lay them flat against the mattress.

As if the fun ended that night, I had to travel to Arkansas for a job interview. Every step was a trial of endurance. I dreaded slopes and inclines leading to the places I had to travel. It took me about 8 minutes and 49 seconds to get to the entrance of my school building (normally a 45 second walk). In the airport, every departure and arrival terminal had an incline that looked like I was going up 8 flights of stairs. To make a long story short, I made it through the interview although my host ensured that I felt every ache and pain in my quads, hammies, knees, calves, and feet. We went up and down stairs to meet people. He would say in a coy manner, "Oh...I'm sorry, we should have taken the stairs." I know that he enjoyed every moment. He's an advanced marathon runner who qualified for the Olympic trials several years ago. Pain is not in his vocabulary. He is probably the type who could run 10 marathons in a span of 6 months.

Today is a better day! 72+ hours later (I stopped counting after 72 hours), I regained the feeling back in my legs. No more sealegs and I am sitting here thinking about my next marathon challenge. How sickening is that!

Most of my marathon post-recovery experience greatly relates to my dissertation. It's painful producing draft after draft after draft. You want to see the end of the pain, but it does not seem its in sight. You just keep working until you do.

Recently, I began to see what appeared to be the light at the tunnel. Opportunities to work for prestigious academic institutions appeared to want me for the skills, experiences, and talents that I have to offer. Even in the mist of these hard economic times, God's plans for me include job opportunities. Oh..I am very blessed and not taking it for granted. Finding the endurance to stick with the coursework, fumbling through comprehensive exams, going back to the drawing board time and time again to produce a product that my dissertation committee may agree on, giving up hobbies, quality time with family and friends, struggling to maintain confidence and understand a little about statistics...I think I am beginning to see the benefits of delayed gratification. I can only pray that this new career as a researcher will be better than being a health educator. I hope that the challenges and some rewards that I experienced in my ten years of practice will launch me into a place in life where I may begin to reap the rewards.

And just like the feeling of the marathon medallion being placed around my neck after 4 hours and 35 minutes of running, I pray to feel that same sense of victory when my committee says to me, "You have successful met all the requirements for your doctoral program." Congratulations, Dr. Barnes. Delayed gratification at its best. I am looking forward to rest from having "sealegs" after completing this part of the journey.

Here's to the Dynamic Duo!

2009-06-07T04:57:00.006-04:00

I was talking with my mom this evening as her and my dad were returning from their grandson's first birthday party. I felt compelled to write my blog posting about them, the dynamic duo!

What makes them the dynamic duo? I would say it is the breadth and depth of the love that they share for one another. When I think of successful marriages, for obvious reasons, my parents rise to the top of the list. I have never met two people who exemplify the words, "love", "sacrificing", "commitment" with such humilty and grace. The hand of God has been and continues to be over their lives. Not only have they set the example of what it means to be present in a marriage, but they also have a lot of fun with one another. When people ask me if my parents are still together, I jokingly respond, "My parents have been together for over thirty years and are STILL all over each other!" Watching them learn and grow together and walking together in this journey we call life is one reason that I do not take marriage lightly. Mom has sacrificed a lot...Dad has sacrificed a lot, but they lovingly do so. It's an awesome example of the partnership God wanted from man and wife.

When it comes to his "good thing" (Prov. 18:22), Dad is very protective of Mom. Not even three knuckleheaded kided would tear them apart. Dad's love for Mom reminds me of the love that Solomon had for his Shulamite bride and that Boaz had for Ruth: passionate, protective, and pure. For those that might get it twisted, it is that "ride or die" love that Jay-Z raps about in his duet with Beyonce (this comparison is specifically for my young yet faithful blog readers).

I had to ask Mom for help in describing her relationship for Dad. She liken it to the relationship shared between Ruth and Naomi..."where you go, I will go," "where you stay, I will stay," and when you take the children to the tennis court, I will stay at home and enjoy peace and quiet" (hee hee). Maybe the last statement is not found in the bible, but Mom has definitely been a woman who sacrifices and places others before herself. She also provides great wisdom similiar to Queen Esther. She cares and often times speaks on the behalf of her husband's, childrens', her brothers', sisters', and mother's and other family members interests. Mom also has tough layering...she is not one to toy with!

Mom and Dad will celebrate thirty-five years of marriage in June. I consider myself very blessed and fortunate to witness the good fruit produce from their commitment to each other.

Here's to the Dynamic Duo!

Out of all the runners...he attempted to beat me!

2009-06-02T21:16:00.002-04:00

Preparing for half marathon is part of my regular routine and is high on the list with chats with God, eating, breathing, and working on my dissertation. On Sunday, I ran a half marathon in Ann Arbor. Parts of the course were hilly, some parts were flat. It was perfect running weather. I expected to average about 10:00+ minute per mile and hoped to finish by 2 hours and 5 minutes. To my surprise, I clocked a surprising 1 hour and 54 minutes and 57 seconds. Yes...every minute counts!!!

I recall that I wanted to stop at mile 10, but I would have looked rather silly with only 3.1 miles to go. I shared the roadways with a Latina woman who had an awesome pace. She was consistent. Although I led the way most of the time, she proudly sprinted to victory, passing me with about 800 meters UP HILL! I am sure that seeing her family cheering her towards the finish line was an incredible boost. I was happy for her because she did a great job for her first half marathon. My finish was a little peculiar...

I passed an African American male with 1200 meters left before crossing the finish line. This guy looked like he ran out of gas...everyone passed him including me. With two-three steps remaining, I caught a glimpse of an African American male trying to pass me at the finish! Out of all the runners...he had to pass me! What is that all about! Tall, skinny, stout, White, Black, Latinos, Asians, Biracial, Multiracial folks passed this guy, but he was so determined to pass me at the finish. I have my theories, but I will keep them to myself and allow my faithful blog readers (all two of you!) to make their own conclusion.

Mom and Dad asked, "Did you beat him?" Momma and Pops did not raise no fool. You can bet your last $5 that I did. Well...I did not have a photo to end with this conclusion, but I think I got him on the lean at the tape.

Next stop...Ludington, Michigan. I cannot wait to run across a sand dune!

It's Great Being an Auntie

2009-05-26T00:08:00.002-04:00

I just returned from Arizona after spending two weeks with my niece, Jalyn. She is a precious little thing just like my nephew, CJ. Jalyn may not remember her aunt "P" changing her diapers, fixing her soy milk formula, taking walks to the grocery store, and playing on her baby jungle gym., but for me, it was a blast. I am glad that I could help John and Jessica in taking care of her. I look forward to my next visit although I know that she will grow up quickly.

I was blessed to spend time with CJ when he was 5 days, 6 months, and 8 months old. I cannot believe that he will be 1 year old next week. Pretty soon, I will attend his sporting events, spelling bee tournaments, band concerts, and graduation! Ok...I will slow down a bit, but all I need to do is blink and he will be all grown up!

As I was walking with Jalyn to the grocery store one day, I was thinking how awesome it is that God has already predestined the plans that He has for Jalyn and CJ. It will be their parents', grandparents, trusted godly friends, and this auntie's responsibility to lead them in the way that they should go. There is nothing that we can do to change the plan; we just need to seek God's knowledge and wisdom to determine what is His intentions and make sure that they walk in purpose. That's pretty exciting...God blessed me to be a part of their lives and their future. Whatever it may be, I know something great is in store for the both of them!

Here is to CJ (Curtis, Jr. )and DJ (Diva Jalyn)...may your lives be full of love, joy, and purpose. I will do my best to be a great auntie!

A Heart of a True Champion...

2009-04-14T02:30:00.002-04:00

"His accomplishments did not go to his head, but went to his heart." These words were expressed by Mom during a tribute to our dear beloved Uncle Charles' at his funeral last Saturday. Over 200 family, friends, colleagues, and community members who I am sure was touched by Uncle Charles in some way attended the service. Although it is a time of great sadness for the family, it is a joyous time for him because he is in no more pain.

Prior to attending the funeral, I attended a conference in Kentucky where I acknowledged and dedicated my presentation to Uncle Charles. He was very passionate about wellness and communities eliminating disparities in healthcare and achieving parity. Uncle Charles is only one of the few doctors I have met that was more concerned about people than his title. He would greet people with a smile and a handshake with a special "doctor touch" as my mom stated. Regardless of obstacles he faced, he was persistent and sought to win over people who made his work difficult. Uncle Charles was known for his legendary smile, a jolly chuckle, and his commitment to his family and work. I remember the many conversations we had about strategies to use to encourage communities who were disenfranchised to take charge of their health. I never thought that I would have to move forward in this momentous work alone. I always knew that he would be near for me to gain wisdom and knowledge on how to "market" health and wellness in a palatable way for people to receive.

Uncle Charles was surrounded by beloved family and friends at the time of his death. I called my aunt Jeanie one hour prior to his death. My brother, John, called me several hours after my call that he past away. I later heard that there was singing and laughter about the good times accompanied with prayers and tears. The tears were not from Uncle Charles though. He was smiling the entire time because he knew that he was walking straight into the arms of his Lord, Jesus Christ, the One who comforted him during his 14-months with cancer and his entire journey in this game we call "life." Not once did he complain or say anything negative. I believe that he was called to teach us how to be a humble servant in his living and a true warrior, a champion in his death.

I made a slideshow presentation for Aunt Jeanie and my three cousins, Liz, Kathy, and David Charles to celebrate the life of a person that they were proud to call husband and father. I am blessed to have a uncle who encouraged me to be inquisitive and to give as much as I could to a community even when they don't always understand what's important. Uncle Charles left a great legacy. I know that he will always be remembered for his loving spirit, his courageous battle with cancer, and his servant heart for the community he served.

Continue to be a "servant healer" Uncle Charles. Until we meet again....

Rite of Passage

2009-02-16T22:59:00.000-05:00

I talked with a colleague in my doctoral program who was extremely frustrated with her advisor, the research process, and broken expectations. I listened as she poured out her frustrations. As she talked, I could relate to every concerns that she shared. It was refreshing to her from a person whose current reality is full of school, job, and other life obligations. She asked me if I knew what I know now would I want a PhD. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. I told it depends on the day; however, I shared with her that I did not expect to feel incompetent. I often times heard that the more schooling that you receive, the more that you discover that you do not know. I should have asked people who had this belief when did they began to feel "smart" again. I can only have faith that I will empower myself to feel, be, and show more competence after surviving the rite of passage process... the DISSERTATION!

It's painful...
sometimes worse than a sinus infection.
I can never do enough work,
Look to my left, look to my right,
I am surrounded around research articles, books, binders, printer, computer that extend a good 12 feet!
It consumes me,
It's that monkey that won't get off your back....
That itch in the certain of your back that you cannot scratch.
I try to treat it as my second love (of course God comes first)
But it is never satisfied...
It demands more and more of me
It;s painful, I can never do enough work, it consumes me...
My dissertation!

It helps A LOT that I am not working anymore. I cannot believe that I was juggling so much. Now, I have no excuses. I am also grateful for the support received from my family and friends. A PhD is a rite of passage that you cannot do on your own. Well...on that note...I have to work on my dissertation.

Over the Rainbow...

2009-02-12T18:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday it was raining cats, dogs, lions, tigers, and bears! Ok...maybe not that terribly, but it rained all day and most of the night. When I got to the gym early evening, the rainstorm cleared and was blessed to see an awesome sight. I wish I had my camera because it was definitely a Kodak moment...a 5-color rainbow clearly hung in the sky like a newly painted masterpiece. It spanned from the corner where gym was located and appeared to spanned miles upward to a bed of clouds surrounded by a blue crisp sky. A couple of thoughts came to my mind.

First, it does not matter how bad my past or my current day are going, there is a place where I can find peace in the storm. It may be in the place that I least expect to find it. Who would have thought that I would find a rainbow arching over Gold's Gym? It was a small reminder from God that I can find a place, a moment, or a creative space where there is no chaos, no earthly demands, no irritating, bossy, people, no dissertation, no sickness, no pain...just beauty and peace.

Secondly, I could not help but think about where the rainbow ends. I also think that things would be better on the other side. Most people look for a pot of gold; I look for other things, but I should not. Not that I stop pursuing my aspirations, but I do not have to try to look so hard for things that I already have. God has given me everything I need. I just need to rest in it. It would be really neat if I had:
My mom's faith...
My dad's devotion...
My bro John's laid back nature...
My bro Curtis charm and money savvy...
My sis-in law Sarah's strength...
My sis in-law Jessica's creativity...
My nephew CJ's ability to see everything new for the second, third, fourth, time..
My niece Jalyn's innocence...

Perhaps that new personality is waiting for me over the rainbow. I would have no doubt that I would be near perfect. Thank God that He found it in this perfect plan to make all these blessed people and placed them in my life so I can enjoy my treasure on Earth.

Life is surreal...

2009-02-11T09:32:00.000-05:00

Blogging was a backseat passenger in the past two months. December and January were marked with physical and professional transitions.

First, I gave up my "cheechako" Alaskan status and now reside temporarily in Cereal City, USA. Yes, I have a taken a slight U-turn and returned to Battle Creek, MI so I may complete my last two semesters of my docotral program. I have to admit that it was very odd for me to re-enter Battle Creek after a 10 hour drive. Everything was almost how I left it with the exception of a few new billboards. Sometimes change just eludes people, places, and things and Battle Creek just happens to be one of those places.

The second transition is that I went from being gainfully employed to an unemployed full-time student. What a decision particularly in these hard economic times as President Obama attempts to pass the stimulus bill. Perhaps I will be a beneficiary of it! Thank God it passed! Now, I have no excuses to FINISH my doctorate. My dissertation writing has my undivided attention. I cannot believe that I worked the majority of my graduate studies. As my sister-in-law, Jessica, observed my so called blog should have "gypsy" in the title. So true to form, my blog title has officially changed from "My Alaskan Adventure" to "My Gypsy Adventure." I can describe how I travel state to state, house to house mooching off of family and friends and seeing how long I can survive eating high fiber bread, turkey, a can of tuna, diet pepsi (caffeine free of course!) . Just kidding! I am amazed how my mom, dad, brothers, sis-in-laws, extended family, and even CJ (at ripe 8-months) have been very supportive.

Life is surreal! When I think of all the things that I have been blessed to do in the past 2 1/2 years, I am flabbergasted! Dog mushing, shooting rifles and an archery bow on the range, going to the Moose Dropping festival, ice fishing, cross country skiing, midnight hikes with moose lurking at every corner, stepping aboard an Air Force aircraft, jumping high as I touch the sky on top of Flattop mountain...I cannot believe that I was able to help a person or two along the way. I know that my return to Battle Creek will not even exceed my Alaskan Adventure. Maybe if I compete with some of Kellogg finest in a cereal eating contest to see who can hold the most fiber? Naw...nothing will compare.

A day of thanks...

2008-11-27T01:35:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving day is tomorrow and I am so grateful for so many things. I am thankful for my family, health, and a chance to travel around the U.S. Although I do not have children of my own, I am grateful to be an aunt so I can be present in the lives of my nephew and soon-to-be niece. I am learning to be thankful for the hard times because it will build my character and make me a stronger, more resilient woman. I am grateful for God blessing me with the opportunity to wake up and to live a life free from bondage and full of adventure. Most importantly, I am thankful for a new batch of snow because looking forward to hitting the cross country ski trails so I can practice!

Stumbling blocks and time to re-evaluate...

2008-11-17T02:18:00.000-05:00

It was a rough day. I really thought that it was my time to learn how to swim and I am really trying to remain positive. My instructor was very frustrated with me. He did not say as much, but I know the tell-tell signs...constant blowing, irritatation in the voice followed by long periods of silence, disinterest in teaching me and watching others in the pool, and the final sign...not following me while I swim to ensure that I do not sink. A big no-no! I responded in a calm manner. When I got to the other end of the pool, I asked if we could cut the lesson short at which he abrupted stated, "Yes!" He quickly put on his goggles and began swimming without saying a word. I waited until he arrived back to my end of the pool, but he ignored me and kept swimming his laps. Since he appeared to ignore me, I left the pool and went into the locker room. I tried to hold back my tears, but I could not.

Again, another failed attempt at swimming. There's something about the third lesson when instructors feel that I do not have the potential to swim. This is the third time that I frustrated an instructor, but I was honest up front. People cannot not seem to understand my fear of water. This time, I TRY really hard! I checked out swimming books at the library, watched YouTube videos on swimming, googled every active swim site, and practiced at least 3 times a week. I just don't know what else to do. I tried to fight the nightmares that I would have 1-2 days prior to my lesson. My fear of swimming is so deep in my mind that it was and will continue to be tough for me to master a basic float.

It's ironic! I felt a little hopeful after my pratice at the pool yesterday. I kicked, put my face in the water, leaned back into the float position...I went into the lesson today showing the instructor the back float that I worked on during the week. To no avail, his reaction to the rest of the lesson was very insulting. I am sure that he feels that I do not listen to him, but I do not think that he understands that it takes me QUITE a bit of time for me to get something right. I am an intelligent person as he began to patronize me, but intelligence has nothing to do with it. My fear of water is deeply rooted and more than I realized. I guess he also did not like the fact that I could not trust him. He lied to me in the first lesson...you cannot lie to a student...saying that we will not go to the deep end when we did. He push my limits to the point of discomfort, so as a result, it was hard for me to trust him. He just moved too fast.

I talked with my parents and to make a long story short...I have not learned to keep my mouth shut. The last thing I should have done was talk to my parents who rarely try anything new, but are quick to judge me for taking the matter so personally. At least, I attempted to conquer my fear and was honest about the day's events. I keep forgetting that most people only want you to care about their concerns, not the other way around...I am sure that they were trying to help, but it added that extra dose of sting that reminds you that the "wound" still needs some antiseptic :-)

The positive results of this short stint of swimming is that I never thought I would stay in water for a hour. I used the "boogie board" and kicked up and down the pool regardless if the kick was incorrect. I did a back float for about 5 seconds and on my own put my face in the water. I read my swimming books at night and put forth my best effort. Perhaps my downfall is trying to learn too many new things as it ended up being a bit stressful. Nevertheless, I put my best feet foward.

I am still processing the day's event and continue to shed a few tears because of the ambivalence that accompany what happened. I plan to go to the pool, but will re-evaluate my timeline...The gold nugget triathlon will have to wait.

A Slide to Remember...

2008-11-14T00:22:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness...my life flashed before my eyes...

On Tuesday, we got 6 inches of snow!!! I should not have opened my big mouth. I remember waking up early, looking outside, and wondering when we would see the Alaskan snow that we all have waited for. Not that I am ready for the white crystallized water, but it is not exactly summer anymore. Let it snow or let it shine! Unfortunately, we were in limbo. By the afternoon, snow was everywhere and the road conditions were hazardous!

The next morning I made the decision to begin my 10 minute (now 20 minute) journey to work so I would miss the tardy-ridden filled of rage drivers. I decided to take the scenic route into the office, which begins with a nice ride up a hill with a stoplight sitting on top. Of course, I thought I would time my ride upward just right so I would pass with ease through the green light. I don't know why I believed I would beat the light. Just as I was about to complete my glorious climb, the light changed abruptly.

I pressed on the car break, which of course, was a lost cause! All of a sudden, my fast climb upward became an even a faster slide downward. I skidded to the left...to the left...to the right, to the right. Then, all of a sudden, the car was paral;el to the stop light that was becoming a blurry bright reflection just behind the hill. A thousand thoughts rushed through my head, "Awwwww...", "Thank God my mom and dad are not with me now...." "STOP, STOP," "Would this be a great excuse to take a day off work...?" My right leg went numb from pressing the brake. With the last burst of adrenaline that I had, I made one last attempt to stop the vechile and, by the grace of God, I ended up on the side of the hill caught between a small pile of snow.

After blinking a million times, counting all fingers and toes (what was remaining on my left foot), and praising Jesus over and over again, I was able to turn the steering wheel towards what was left of the hill. I took the most travelled route into work and somehow made it to work with 15 minutes to spare, before 7:30!

I still can't believe that I made it without causing bodily harm to another person and to myself. Needless to say, I made an appointment for studded tires at 7:35 that same morning. That truly was a slide to remember!

A Week of Firsts...

2008-11-10T04:13:00.001-05:00

Swimming and Salsa, anyone? Well...it is my November challenge...to learn new things that are essential to life.

Of course, the most terrifying activity for me is swimming. Relax?! How?! Are they crazy?! Why would I relax in a large mass of water where I have no place to place my feet? In my first lesson, I finally realized that I do not use all five lobes of my lungs or efficiently use my core muscles. Regardless, I was bold enough to show up for my first swim lesson with Kevin. He is an instructor that is extremely jolly to be in the water and knows how to push my levels. My favorite line was said at the beginning of the lesson..."we won't go to the deep end of the pool today," and guess what...we went to the deep end! Why do instructors lie to their students?! I made it, praise the Lord. And mostly importantly, I did not drown! Well..."yet"...at least that is what my instructor adds everytime I give him my fearful look. I plan to hang in there because I really want to complete my first triathlton.

Salsa, I believe, is highly associated with swimming because it requires much relaxation and being one with the music. I learned the rumba, some c-step, mamba, a left turn, and a right turn. Dancing builds up a sweat too! I am blessed to learn how to salsa at my church. What a great way to fellowship with the saints! We are all going to do the mamba step with a few turns through the pearly white gates.

A week of firsts...I thank God that I have not lost my sense of adventure...yet :-)

Skiing for a Great Cause!

2008-10-22T00:48:00.000-04:00

Moose, bears, and skis, oh my! I am about to experience my third winter in Alaska and I have a feeling it is going a snowy one! One sport that I always wanted to learn is cross-country skiing. I finally have my chance to learn while helping a great cause! I am raising funds for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) as a participant in their Team In Training program. It should be a lot of fun! I have to raise $1,600. Maybe the funds raised from the event will save a life.

Lessons begin on 4 Nov! I can't wait!

10 Things to Do this Winter in Alaska

2008-10-10T22:56:00.000-04:00

10. Learn to swim.

9. Take cross-country ski lessons and sign up for the Tour of Anchorage cross-country ski tournament.

8. Go on my second ice-fishing trip.

7. Take a trip to Fairbanks and see the ice sculptures.

6. Snoeshow on Kincaid Park's beach.

5. Get a yellow belt in hapkido.

4. Take a class on Alaskan culture and languages.

3. Make a traditional Alaskan dish.

2. Hike to the top of a snowy mountaintop!

1. Finish 3/4 portion of my dissertation!

For right now, I think I will settle for a trip to Target! We finally have one!

Terminal dust?

2008-10-08T23:42:00.000-04:00

The snow is coming! The snow is coming! I cannot believe that our fall lasted about 30 days. Terminal dust (first sign of winter) covers almost all the mountaintops, the hours of daylight are become less, and the temperature is slowing dropping to the low 30s. Since the summertime was short, I believe we have a rough winter ahead of us.

My goal for this winter is learning how to cross-country ski and to participate in my first cross-country ski event, Tour of Anchorage in March 2009.