Thursday, November 27, 2008
A day of thanks...
Thanksgiving day is tomorrow and I am so grateful for so many things. I am thankful for my family, health, and a chance to travel around the U.S. Although I do not have children of my own, I am grateful to be an aunt so I can be present in the lives of my nephew and soon-to-be niece. I am learning to be thankful for the hard times because it will build my character and make me a stronger, more resilient woman. I am grateful for God blessing me with the opportunity to wake up and to live a life free from bondage and full of adventure. Most importantly, I am thankful for a new batch of snow because looking forward to hitting the cross country ski trails so I can practice!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Stumbling blocks and time to re-evaluate...
It was a rough day. I really thought that it was my time to learn how to swim and I am really trying to remain positive. My instructor was very frustrated with me. He did not say as much, but I know the tell-tell signs...constant blowing, irritatation in the voice followed by long periods of silence, disinterest in teaching me and watching others in the pool, and the final sign...not following me while I swim to ensure that I do not sink. A big no-no! I responded in a calm manner. When I got to the other end of the pool, I asked if we could cut the lesson short at which he abrupted stated, "Yes!" He quickly put on his goggles and began swimming without saying a word. I waited until he arrived back to my end of the pool, but he ignored me and kept swimming his laps. Since he appeared to ignore me, I left the pool and went into the locker room. I tried to hold back my tears, but I could not.
Again, another failed attempt at swimming. There's something about the third lesson when instructors feel that I do not have the potential to swim. This is the third time that I frustrated an instructor, but I was honest up front. People cannot not seem to understand my fear of water. This time, I TRY really hard! I checked out swimming books at the library, watched YouTube videos on swimming, googled every active swim site, and practiced at least 3 times a week. I just don't know what else to do. I tried to fight the nightmares that I would have 1-2 days prior to my lesson. My fear of swimming is so deep in my mind that it was and will continue to be tough for me to master a basic float.
It's ironic! I felt a little hopeful after my pratice at the pool yesterday. I kicked, put my face in the water, leaned back into the float position...I went into the lesson today showing the instructor the back float that I worked on during the week. To no avail, his reaction to the rest of the lesson was very insulting. I am sure that he feels that I do not listen to him, but I do not think that he understands that it takes me QUITE a bit of time for me to get something right. I am an intelligent person as he began to patronize me, but intelligence has nothing to do with it. My fear of water is deeply rooted and more than I realized. I guess he also did not like the fact that I could not trust him. He lied to me in the first lesson...you cannot lie to a student...saying that we will not go to the deep end when we did. He push my limits to the point of discomfort, so as a result, it was hard for me to trust him. He just moved too fast.
I talked with my parents and to make a long story short...I have not learned to keep my mouth shut. The last thing I should have done was talk to my parents who rarely try anything new, but are quick to judge me for taking the matter so personally. At least, I attempted to conquer my fear and was honest about the day's events. I keep forgetting that most people only want you to care about their concerns, not the other way around...I am sure that they were trying to help, but it added that extra dose of sting that reminds you that the "wound" still needs some antiseptic :-)
The positive results of this short stint of swimming is that I never thought I would stay in water for a hour. I used the "boogie board" and kicked up and down the pool regardless if the kick was incorrect. I did a back float for about 5 seconds and on my own put my face in the water. I read my swimming books at night and put forth my best effort. Perhaps my downfall is trying to learn too many new things as it ended up being a bit stressful. Nevertheless, I put my best feet foward.
I am still processing the day's event and continue to shed a few tears because of the ambivalence that accompany what happened. I plan to go to the pool, but will re-evaluate my timeline...The gold nugget triathlon will have to wait.
Again, another failed attempt at swimming. There's something about the third lesson when instructors feel that I do not have the potential to swim. This is the third time that I frustrated an instructor, but I was honest up front. People cannot not seem to understand my fear of water. This time, I TRY really hard! I checked out swimming books at the library, watched YouTube videos on swimming, googled every active swim site, and practiced at least 3 times a week. I just don't know what else to do. I tried to fight the nightmares that I would have 1-2 days prior to my lesson. My fear of swimming is so deep in my mind that it was and will continue to be tough for me to master a basic float.
It's ironic! I felt a little hopeful after my pratice at the pool yesterday. I kicked, put my face in the water, leaned back into the float position...I went into the lesson today showing the instructor the back float that I worked on during the week. To no avail, his reaction to the rest of the lesson was very insulting. I am sure that he feels that I do not listen to him, but I do not think that he understands that it takes me QUITE a bit of time for me to get something right. I am an intelligent person as he began to patronize me, but intelligence has nothing to do with it. My fear of water is deeply rooted and more than I realized. I guess he also did not like the fact that I could not trust him. He lied to me in the first lesson...you cannot lie to a student...saying that we will not go to the deep end when we did. He push my limits to the point of discomfort, so as a result, it was hard for me to trust him. He just moved too fast.
I talked with my parents and to make a long story short...I have not learned to keep my mouth shut. The last thing I should have done was talk to my parents who rarely try anything new, but are quick to judge me for taking the matter so personally. At least, I attempted to conquer my fear and was honest about the day's events. I keep forgetting that most people only want you to care about their concerns, not the other way around...I am sure that they were trying to help, but it added that extra dose of sting that reminds you that the "wound" still needs some antiseptic :-)
The positive results of this short stint of swimming is that I never thought I would stay in water for a hour. I used the "boogie board" and kicked up and down the pool regardless if the kick was incorrect. I did a back float for about 5 seconds and on my own put my face in the water. I read my swimming books at night and put forth my best effort. Perhaps my downfall is trying to learn too many new things as it ended up being a bit stressful. Nevertheless, I put my best feet foward.
I am still processing the day's event and continue to shed a few tears because of the ambivalence that accompany what happened. I plan to go to the pool, but will re-evaluate my timeline...The gold nugget triathlon will have to wait.
Friday, November 14, 2008
A Slide to Remember...
Oh my goodness...my life flashed before my eyes...
On Tuesday, we got 6 inches of snow!!! I should not have opened my big mouth. I remember waking up early, looking outside, and wondering when we would see the Alaskan snow that we all have waited for. Not that I am ready for the white crystallized water, but it is not exactly summer anymore. Let it snow or let it shine! Unfortunately, we were in limbo. By the afternoon, snow was everywhere and the road conditions were hazardous!
The next morning I made the decision to begin my 10 minute (now 20 minute) journey to work so I would miss the tardy-ridden filled of rage drivers. I decided to take the scenic route into the office, which begins with a nice ride up a hill with a stoplight sitting on top. Of course, I thought I would time my ride upward just right so I would pass with ease through the green light. I don't know why I believed I would beat the light. Just as I was about to complete my glorious climb, the light changed abruptly.
I pressed on the car break, which of course, was a lost cause! All of a sudden, my fast climb upward became an even a faster slide downward. I skidded to the left...to the left...to the right, to the right. Then, all of a sudden, the car was paral;el to the stop light that was becoming a blurry bright reflection just behind the hill. A thousand thoughts rushed through my head, "Awwwww...", "Thank God my mom and dad are not with me now...." "STOP, STOP," "Would this be a great excuse to take a day off work...?" My right leg went numb from pressing the brake. With the last burst of adrenaline that I had, I made one last attempt to stop the vechile and, by the grace of God, I ended up on the side of the hill caught between a small pile of snow.
After blinking a million times, counting all fingers and toes (what was remaining on my left foot), and praising Jesus over and over again, I was able to turn the steering wheel towards what was left of the hill. I took the most travelled route into work and somehow made it to work with 15 minutes to spare, before 7:30!
I still can't believe that I made it without causing bodily harm to another person and to myself. Needless to say, I made an appointment for studded tires at 7:35 that same morning. That truly was a slide to remember!
On Tuesday, we got 6 inches of snow!!! I should not have opened my big mouth. I remember waking up early, looking outside, and wondering when we would see the Alaskan snow that we all have waited for. Not that I am ready for the white crystallized water, but it is not exactly summer anymore. Let it snow or let it shine! Unfortunately, we were in limbo. By the afternoon, snow was everywhere and the road conditions were hazardous!
The next morning I made the decision to begin my 10 minute (now 20 minute) journey to work so I would miss the tardy-ridden filled of rage drivers. I decided to take the scenic route into the office, which begins with a nice ride up a hill with a stoplight sitting on top. Of course, I thought I would time my ride upward just right so I would pass with ease through the green light. I don't know why I believed I would beat the light. Just as I was about to complete my glorious climb, the light changed abruptly.
I pressed on the car break, which of course, was a lost cause! All of a sudden, my fast climb upward became an even a faster slide downward. I skidded to the left...to the left...to the right, to the right. Then, all of a sudden, the car was paral;el to the stop light that was becoming a blurry bright reflection just behind the hill. A thousand thoughts rushed through my head, "Awwwww...", "Thank God my mom and dad are not with me now...." "STOP, STOP," "Would this be a great excuse to take a day off work...?" My right leg went numb from pressing the brake. With the last burst of adrenaline that I had, I made one last attempt to stop the vechile and, by the grace of God, I ended up on the side of the hill caught between a small pile of snow.
After blinking a million times, counting all fingers and toes (what was remaining on my left foot), and praising Jesus over and over again, I was able to turn the steering wheel towards what was left of the hill. I took the most travelled route into work and somehow made it to work with 15 minutes to spare, before 7:30!
I still can't believe that I made it without causing bodily harm to another person and to myself. Needless to say, I made an appointment for studded tires at 7:35 that same morning. That truly was a slide to remember!
Monday, November 10, 2008
A Week of Firsts...
Swimming and Salsa, anyone? Well...it is my November challenge...to learn new things that are essential to life.
Of course, the most terrifying activity for me is swimming. Relax?! How?! Are they crazy?! Why would I relax in a large mass of water where I have no place to place my feet? In my first lesson, I finally realized that I do not use all five lobes of my lungs or efficiently use my core muscles. Regardless, I was bold enough to show up for my first swim lesson with Kevin. He is an instructor that is extremely jolly to be in the water and knows how to push my levels. My favorite line was said at the beginning of the lesson..."we won't go to the deep end of the pool today," and guess what...we went to the deep end! Why do instructors lie to their students?! I made it, praise the Lord. And mostly importantly, I did not drown! Well..."yet"...at least that is what my instructor adds everytime I give him my fearful look. I plan to hang in there because I really want to complete my first triathlton.
Salsa, I believe, is highly associated with swimming because it requires much relaxation and being one with the music. I learned the rumba, some c-step, mamba, a left turn, and a right turn. Dancing builds up a sweat too! I am blessed to learn how to salsa at my church. What a great way to fellowship with the saints! We are all going to do the mamba step with a few turns through the pearly white gates.
A week of firsts...I thank God that I have not lost my sense of adventure...yet :-)
Of course, the most terrifying activity for me is swimming. Relax?! How?! Are they crazy?! Why would I relax in a large mass of water where I have no place to place my feet? In my first lesson, I finally realized that I do not use all five lobes of my lungs or efficiently use my core muscles. Regardless, I was bold enough to show up for my first swim lesson with Kevin. He is an instructor that is extremely jolly to be in the water and knows how to push my levels. My favorite line was said at the beginning of the lesson..."we won't go to the deep end of the pool today," and guess what...we went to the deep end! Why do instructors lie to their students?! I made it, praise the Lord. And mostly importantly, I did not drown! Well..."yet"...at least that is what my instructor adds everytime I give him my fearful look. I plan to hang in there because I really want to complete my first triathlton.
Salsa, I believe, is highly associated with swimming because it requires much relaxation and being one with the music. I learned the rumba, some c-step, mamba, a left turn, and a right turn. Dancing builds up a sweat too! I am blessed to learn how to salsa at my church. What a great way to fellowship with the saints! We are all going to do the mamba step with a few turns through the pearly white gates.
A week of firsts...I thank God that I have not lost my sense of adventure...yet :-)
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