Rite of Passage

I talked with a colleague in my doctoral program who was extremely frustrated with her advisor, the research process, and broken expectations. I listened as she poured out her frustrations. As she talked, I could relate to every concerns that she shared. It was refreshing to her from a person whose current reality is full of school, job, and other life obligations. She asked me if I knew what I know now would I want a PhD. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. I told it depends on the day; however, I shared with her that I did not expect to feel incompetent. I often times heard that the more schooling that you receive, the more that you discover that you do not know. I should have asked people who had this belief when did they began to feel "smart" again. I can only have faith that I will empower myself to feel, be, and show more competence after surviving the rite of passage process... the DISSERTATION!

It's painful...
sometimes worse than a sinus infection.
I can never do enough work,
Look to my left, look to my right,
I am surrounded around research articles, books, binders, printer, computer that extend a good 12 feet!
It consumes me,
It's that monkey that won't get off your back....
That itch in the certain of your back that you cannot scratch.
I try to treat it as my second love (of course God comes first)
But it is never satisfied...
It demands more and more of me
It;s painful, I can never do enough work, it consumes me...
My dissertation!

It helps A LOT that I am not working anymore. I cannot believe that I was juggling so much. Now, I have no excuses. I am also grateful for the support received from my family and friends. A PhD is a rite of passage that you cannot do on your own. Well...on that note...I have to work on my dissertation.

Over the Rainbow...

Yesterday it was raining cats, dogs, lions, tigers, and bears! Ok...maybe not that terribly, but it rained all day and most of the night. When I got to the gym early evening, the rainstorm cleared and was blessed to see an awesome sight. I wish I had my camera because it was definitely a Kodak moment...a 5-color rainbow clearly hung in the sky like a newly painted masterpiece. It spanned from the corner where gym was located and appeared to spanned miles upward to a bed of clouds surrounded by a blue crisp sky. A couple of thoughts came to my mind.

First, it does not matter how bad my past or my current day are going, there is a place where I can find peace in the storm. It may be in the place that I least expect to find it. Who would have thought that I would find a rainbow arching over Gold's Gym? It was a small reminder from God that I can find a place, a moment, or a creative space where there is no chaos, no earthly demands, no irritating, bossy, people, no dissertation, no sickness, no pain...just beauty and peace.

Secondly, I could not help but think about where the rainbow ends. I also think that things would be better on the other side. Most people look for a pot of gold; I look for other things, but I should not. Not that I stop pursuing my aspirations, but I do not have to try to look so hard for things that I already have. God has given me everything I need. I just need to rest in it. It would be really neat if I had:
My mom's faith...
My dad's devotion...
My bro John's laid back nature...
My bro Curtis charm and money savvy...
My sis-in law Sarah's strength...
My sis in-law Jessica's creativity...
My nephew CJ's ability to see everything new for the second, third, fourth, time..
My niece Jalyn's innocence...

Perhaps that new personality is waiting for me over the rainbow. I would have no doubt that I would be near perfect. Thank God that He found it in this perfect plan to make all these blessed people and placed them in my life so I can enjoy my treasure on Earth.

Life is surreal...

Blogging was a backseat passenger in the past two months. December and January were marked with physical and professional transitions.

First, I gave up my "cheechako" Alaskan status and now reside temporarily in Cereal City, USA. Yes, I have a taken a slight U-turn and returned to Battle Creek, MI so I may complete my last two semesters of my docotral program. I have to admit that it was very odd for me to re-enter Battle Creek after a 10 hour drive. Everything was almost how I left it with the exception of a few new billboards. Sometimes change just eludes people, places, and things and Battle Creek just happens to be one of those places.

The second transition is that I went from being gainfully employed to an unemployed full-time student. What a decision particularly in these hard economic times as President Obama attempts to pass the stimulus bill. Perhaps I will be a beneficiary of it! Thank God it passed! Now, I have no excuses to FINISH my doctorate. My dissertation writing has my undivided attention. I cannot believe that I worked the majority of my graduate studies. As my sister-in-law, Jessica, observed my so called blog should have "gypsy" in the title. So true to form, my blog title has officially changed from "My Alaskan Adventure" to "My Gypsy Adventure." I can describe how I travel state to state, house to house mooching off of family and friends and seeing how long I can survive eating high fiber bread, turkey, a can of tuna, diet pepsi (caffeine free of course!) . Just kidding! I am amazed how my mom, dad, brothers, sis-in-laws, extended family, and even CJ (at ripe 8-months) have been very supportive.

Life is surreal! When I think of all the things that I have been blessed to do in the past 2 1/2 years, I am flabbergasted! Dog mushing, shooting rifles and an archery bow on the range, going to the Moose Dropping festival, ice fishing, cross country skiing, midnight hikes with moose lurking at every corner, stepping aboard an Air Force aircraft, jumping high as I touch the sky on top of Flattop mountain...I cannot believe that I was able to help a person or two along the way. I know that my return to Battle Creek will not even exceed my Alaskan Adventure. Maybe if I compete with some of Kellogg finest in a cereal eating contest to see who can hold the most fiber? Naw...nothing will compare.